February 2011
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Yet another column
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Four more days of reckless youth!
Tags: 20

I consider it my moral obligation to update at least once (since it's been nearly 3 months) before I turn 20, at which point I can only assume the 0 at the end of my age will brainwash me into thinking this newfangled World Wide Web is just too complicated for my old fashioned brain to bother with. I shouldn't be as worried as I am, seeing as I already engage in such Adult Activities as ritual morning coffee, leisurely reading of the New York Times, going to concerts and gravitating automatically towards the safety of that group of awkward, 30+ guys who stoically refuse to bop up and down like idiots, and liberal use of cynicism, but I've done nothing wild and daring with my teenage years! NOTHING. So I've gotten into one car accident and once drank enough that I ended up at a dance. Dancing. (shock! horror!).

Oh, to be young again ;_;

Anyway, I apologize for pretending I'd never heard of the internet for a while; I've suddenly discovered the rumors about college are true. It is hard. So talk to me! How is life?
mood: apathetic apathetic

I should probably just give in and aquire some pink, lacy things.
Tags: florida

I have this really terrible habit of constantly trying to prove that I am Brave, Adventurous and Incredibly Manly when I am in fact nothing more than a girl with weak arms. It gets me into a lot of trouble.

For instance, when I volunteer to go quail hunting with my dad, brother, and half brother-in-law (who does things like shooting the biggest grizzly of the year - 800 pounds - and fighting wild boar TO THE DEATH).

There was this quail, see, and I think it was a little slow, because it sat in a tree and allowed me to shoot at it SEVEN TIMES. There is nothing quite so humiliating as a bird humoring you when you have a deadly weapon. That bird made it out alive, but my entire shoulder was bruised due to the recoil. Later, I was putting the safety back on and ended up pinching my finger so hard it spit open and gushed rivers of blood everywhere :D


The next day we went fishing. At one point my brother thought he had a fish, followed the line with his eyes and found that it was going up instead of down. Yes, he had caught a seagull. Seems his bird-killing prowess is undaunted by a change in scenery.

I do not make new year's resolutions, as the only people who profit from those are people in the gym business, but if I did I think I would resolve to be more adept at killing things :)
mood: apathetic apathetic

Tags: christmas

I firmly believe that tubby old men with white beards and red coats who might be mistaken for Santa should stay indoors on Christmas Eve. They fill me with false hopes. That said, Happy Christmas to all of you ♥
mood: cheerful cheerful

"Christmas with Johnny Cash" is not nearly as bitter as I hoped it would be.

I'd forgotten how dull winter break is without any absurd college drama filing up every second of my time. Woe! My mother spends every waking moment giving me funny looks and shrieking about how beautiful I am. I have been home from college 5 times now, I do not understand. She scheduled a "surprise" free makeover at Saks, which was a terrifying experience.

MAKEUP ARTIST: What sort of care do you give your skin?
ME: I do nothing. I roam wild and free about campus with no makeup on. Sometimes I splash water on my face after diving in leaf piles full of slugs.
MAKEUP ARTIST: Do you exfoliate?!?!
ME: Do I what now?
MAKEUP ARTIST: The skin under your eyes is scaly. I must spray this green mist on your face to keep the free radicals from ATTACKING IT. Have you ever cut an apple and left it out? IT TURNS BROWN. THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR FACE. Evil free radicals, evil!
ME: I find wrinkles sexy!

It was so surreal. I felt as though I was a photoshop document being smudged and highlighted, I swear to God. I think my mother is trying to girl-ify me because she is secretly afraid I have become a lesbian (I fully plan on pulling out my collection of flannel shirts >:D).

MOM: Did you know, your dad called me last year, asking me if I thought you were a lesbian.
ME: Oh God.
MOM: It was so funny! So I decided to mess with him a little. I was all, "well, you know, she did have a girl carry her luggage for her all the way to the train station!"
ME: Ah. Now I understand why over thanksgiving he told me he wouldn't care if I was gay, only if I found a butch girlfriend, because he really doesn't like butch girls. I am going to concoct a master plan and mess with his head forever. It will start when I comment on every passing girl's succulent ass.
MOM: That's a little obvious. Perhaps you should start with, "There was just something about her eyes. They ensnared me".
mood: amused amused

I knew this college was good for something!

So. This is awkward. I, ah, still don't have a computer, and most of you (anyone out there? besides my resounding echo?) probably thought that after I drowned my computer in a bath of 1% milk, a cruel twist of fate led to my own death by milk.

Whatever, it isn't important.

What IS important is that I went to see Bryn Mawr's production of Doctor Faustus Lights the Lights, and while it was absolutely breathtaking and all around superb, that's actually not important either. The really essential point of this story is that a man walked in front of me while we were waiting to enter the theater and I exhaled this enormous, louder-than-is-socially-acceptable, "OH MY GOD".

The man with the slick, wavy black hair, the deep tan and the smart leather jacket? DANIEL DAE KIM. (I CASE YOU LIVE IN A HOLE: JIN FROM LOST). It makes sense, because he majored in theater at Bryn Mawr not too long ago and is bff with the technical director. He was very concerned with not being noticed and skulked around rather a lot, but I am a smooth, covert EVIL MASTERMIND and managed to capture a really shitty camera phone picture of his lovely, lovely self hunched over the program, all under the guise of searching for those elusive four bars of phone service.

mood: happy happy

Milk is DEAD TO ME.

Sometime within the next month, I am going to fall and break a limb, slice a finger off, or be crushed by stampeding wildebeest.

I know this because bodily harm is the only logical step left in the progression of Bad Shit Happening to Me. What prompts this defeatist brooding, you ask? Well, this morning I decided it would be a fabulous idea to drink milk and check my email before my motor functions had reached %100 capability. I BET YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. This resulted in my laptop splashing around in a luxurious milk bath. Pressing the power button now only elicits a feeble orange light that quickly and pathetically gives up on shining after two seconds ;___;


I firmly believe in life balancing itself out, but after a car accident, a stolen bike seat, a stolen bike, a lost one card, and a dead laptop with 60 gigs of my life on it, all within only 3 months, this miracle better be fucking huge.
mood: crushed crushed

My life would make a perfect Seinfeld episode ;_;

My Life is a Cruel Tragicomedy, Part the Second:

1. On Fridays, I work in the dining hall with Friday. Friday is a man. I did not know this and was very confused when the manager told me to go find Friday, because I was fairly sure I had all of the days of the week accounted for and did not have to go retrieve one. Friday has brothers named Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and....Sam. I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING.

2. Remember when my bike seat was stolen from my bike in Chicago? Well, I also bought a bike for use at Bryn Mawr. Two days ago I went biking to buy Chinese ink (they only had India ink, a travesty that foreshadowed things to come), but I left my bike lock key in my room by accident. Seeing as I was in an incredibly posh, rich little suburb on the Main Line full of smiling, happy families and radiating innocence, I foolishly assumed that it would be safe to hide my bike behind a flower pot in a little courtyard for a minute. Thinking like a savvy city dweller, I at least took my seat with me, figuring an unridable bike would be less enticing. Two minutes later (tops!), it was gone. I'm so upset about this, guys ;__;. I was all teared up on the train ride home :(. This coupled with my sudden overwhelming guilt about ever, EVER spending money has me really wrecked. And the best part is, I STILL HAVE MY SEAT. So now I can put that on my seatless bike at home and have a WHOLE BIKE. AUGH, WHAT THE FUCK, UNIVERSE?!

3. Yesterday, my roommates and I went to the zoo. What could possibly go wrong at the ZOO? I mean, it was actually very much worth the $17 entrance fee (I bitched, but it was 10 times greater than the free Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago, oh man) and I had a fantastic time. But, wait for it...

I licked a bee.

More precisely, the "Tiger Tavern" served me a coke with a bee in it. They also don't give people straws, because assholes throw them in animal habitats, so I was forced to take the top off and sip. Which led to me thinking, "why is there something solid in my coke? It feels like a piece of a hot dog bun or something, huh. *lick* *taste* OH MY GOD" What a terrible sensation oh my god I FONDLED A BEE WITH MY TONGUE o___o

4. The zoo animals had also reached some secret zoo animal agreement to preform lewdly for us. The amount of theatrical deification was astounding, but the best part was when the male kangaroo and his TERRIFYING kangaroo penis (seriously, I hope you never see one) decided to essentially rape the female for a good half hour while the third kangaroo ate lettuce with a decidedly nonchalant air.

5 YEAR OLD GIRL: Daddy, what are they doing?
DADDY: Remember the turtles we saw last time?

Yeaaaah, zoo picspam :DCollapse )
mood: melancholy melancholy

Out, Damned Spot!

I know it appears I've fallen off the face of the earth, but I've simply been trying to put my college life in order again. I'm starting to fall into a rhythm of sorts, though it is one with rather less sleep than I need in order to function. The results are pretty hilarious, in a My Life is a Wretched Tragicomedy sort of way. Just this morning I was forced to stand in front of the class and present these self portraits to my woefully untalented Drawing class (90% of which were unable to grasp the concept of WHAT A SILHOUETTE IS for the last homework assignment ;_;) because they are "different". Admittedly, they are altogether sullen and rather terrifying, but I think we all know morbid is kind of my style...

PROF: These portraits look like they have a definite character. Like they could be in a play. What sort of character does this invoke, class?
CLASS: *silent*
GUY: ...Lady Macbeth?
PROF: Oh yes, exactly! What sort of words would you use to describe these?
GUY: Crazed?
GIRL: Intense?


*monumental headdesk* Gone is my innocent, gentle exterior! I will forever be That Emo Unibomber in their eyes! Lady Macbeth is like, the THE ORIGINAL CRAZY BITCH.

So, other than plotting murder, I've been DECORATING.

mini dorm room picspam :DCollapse )
mood: amused amused

In which I fail on every level.

Ugh. I'm leaving to go back to college on Friday. WANGST. I'm perfectly excited for the actual school year, but terrified for those first few days of incredibly awkward interactions, because I am the queen of awkward. When forced into one-on-one interactions I have actually been known to cry out "WHAT BEAUTIFUL WEATHER WE'RE HAVING, EH?" to combat a few seconds silence, and if things get really stressful begin spontaneously spouting facts. I have a terrible feeling the first week will go much like this:

ME: Did you read Harry Potter? SO DID I! Wasn't it just the epic story of Harry and Draco's incredibly euphemistic lust for each other?
ME: Oh my God I'm not on the internet anymore.

Speaking of H/D, I may be re-reading certain H/D fics of old (mainly Underwater Light because it's kind of my favorite ever) and getting, ah, rather enamored of the pairing again. I THOUGHT MY FORMER LOVE OF H/D WAS JUST A ONE NIGHT STAND, BUT NO ;__;. So, since I know from personal experience that 95% of the H/D fic out there is nauseating, feel free to link me to that other 5% :D I have a morbid fascination with UST, if that helps (ahahahah *FAIL*)
mood: anxious anxious

Is it secret? Is it safe?

ETA: HOW HAD I NOT SEEN THIS UNTIL NOW? Oh, Potter Puppet Pals. My favorite part of the whole thing is "Harry Potter! UHHHH!". Oh my God.

1. You people are the BEST EVER for rising admirably to the task of feeding me music. I really appreciate it, as do my future roommates, I'm sure, when I'm playing your music at deafening volumes ♥

2. I am watching FotR on TV ♥ I love these movies and I love that I can still pull out my whole knowing every line of the movie trick and astound the innocent people. HOWEVER, we watched the first half with two small-ish children...

ME: Uh....yeah, that's Gandalf.


3. There are people singing Viva Viagra on my TV. WHAT THE FUCK.

4. When trying to rent Apocalypto at Hollywood Video today:

EMPLOYEE: Um. Y'all know that this whole movie is in ANOTHER LANGUAGE, right?
ME: Ah, yes?
EMPLOYEE: I'm just warning you, because lots of people get really mad at us when they find out.

That is so deeply sad. I would like to think this is just people in Georgia, because I am a snobby, elite, highly prejudiced northerner, but I guess most people in this country have trouble reading subtitles? Or think the Mayas spoke "American"? Or immediately assume everything must be translated into the One True Language? I DON'T KNOW. JESUS.

5. My dad fell and sprained his wrist last night. I would feel sorry for him, but his excessive whining and theatrical flinching make Stephen Colbert look positively stoic. All I can do is laugh and laugh at his impeccably comedic timing and use his credit card to buy him a wriststrong bracelet.
mood: amused amused
music: Orlando Bloom being a tool :(

Music recs, please!
Tags: music

OKAY, here's the deal. I am bored to tears with my music. My ipod is constantly running out of batteries because I spend more time pressing skip to find something I want to listen to that actually LISTENING TO SOMETHING. So please, please, rec me some music! I want to hear about whole bands, artists, albums...go crazy. Anything and anyone you ever enjoyed listening to. I'm desperate ;_;. Just don't rec me Panic! At the Disco because I DESPISE THEM and will, whether it's fair or not, despise you by default >:D

In return I shall make a small shrine to you.
mood: relaxed relaxed


1. I am in Georgia, which means that for the next two weeks I will have very little to say other than, "Today I had a fabulous time of lying around reading and playing on my computer. It is very hot." and "last night I dreamed that I was trapped in an underground insane asylum because pneumonia made my cheek swell and the sane people thought I looked pretty crazy" (true story). YAY.

2. Speaking of dreams, I also dreamed that I worked at Einstein's with Stephen Colbert, which was all well and good (and flirty!) until my boss escorted me down a secret passageway to give a massage and this kid PJ from highschool appeared an started singing, "boom boom boom, I want you in my room" ;____; I will never be pure again.

3. I saw 300 for the first time and spent the entire time salivating over the visuals (and by visuals I do NOT mean each man's 68 gleaming abs. In fact, I took to hiding under my pillow and squeaking in terror when the abs undulated menacingly in my direction, but I am an odd one) and whispering "...awesome" in my most reverent tone of voice.

4. stupid doodleCollapse )

5. It is very hot.
mood: calm calm

Farewell, Chicago ;_;

Friday morning I am leaving for 2 weeks of utter vegetation in Georgia, after which comes school. Naturally I am terrified, because I developed a life in college very different from the one I have here (read: I forcefully deny my inherent introvert!) and I'm very much unprepared to assimilate myself to that again. Even though I'm living with friends, in a dining hall, with my own room, and most importantly, with a COFFEE MAKER ♥, I'm still nervous as all hell. OH TRANSITIONS :(

But there are good things!

1. Four years after Drivers Ed, I finally managed to get a driver's license. And how I toiled. Due to some mixups I was stranded at the DMV for hours on end before I could take the driving portion, with nothing but the Rules of the Road book and the automated voice crying "C568! F412! ECT! ECT!" for company. I think I witnessed the very worst of American society within those walls *shudder*. After spending a good ten minutes watching a 150 year old woman who looked as though she had been caught halfway through metamorphosing into a CHICKEN strut across the room, I finally decided I had gone mad.

My examiner, meanwhile, was insane. I was essentially doubled up with sheer nerves, and he insisted on chatting with me the whole time...

EXAMINER: I was a journalism major! I plan on writing a play about this job, oh yes I do.
ME: I'm sure you'll have plenty of material. Maybe I'll do the same, seeing as I worked at Einstein's Bagels over the summer.
ME: My coworker asked me what animal salmon came from.
EXAMINER: I am going to call my play, "Both Hands on the Wheel". Look for it! You might be IN IT. Oh, okay, stop here and wait for this little old lady in the big cadillac* try to back up without hitting the cones. Ha ha ha, look at her go! She's going to hit them! She's going to FAIL! THAT ONE WAS CLOSE! Will she fail?! Ohhhh, she made it, too bad...Your turn!
ME: ....*chokes on FEAR*

In the end, I passed, and as my ID picture is not longer reminiscent of an 80 year old old russian immigrant who can kill you with her mind, I'm quite pleased.

2. Saw Stardust, adored it. I read the book 2 years ago so I don't remember enough to squabble about the book to movie changes, but it was so much fun ♥ Also, The Golden Compass preview made me cry. AGAIN.

3. I got my hair cut today (5 inches lopped off, I no longer resemble a vagabond!) by a man who told my mom he believed girls should live at home until they marry. I nearly burst with glee watching her fight the desire to smash his face :D

4. deora_mystic has been, ah, voicing her concerns at the slight Harry/Ron slant my doodles seem to be taking, so because I am most certainly the most amazing person ever, I drew her some H/D crackCollapse )

* The little old lady in the big cadillac failed :D
mood: pensive pensive


I have been having, essentially, a really shitty week, but rather than whine about all the CHANGES and TRANSITIONS and ANGST that I must melodramatically endure, I think it can all be summed up in one incident.

"Hm", though I, "I think I shall go on a bike ride to Borders and purchase the sequel to my moderately interesting fantasy novel! I hear the two main male characters hook up in this one, and who doesn't love gay fantasy? ( reviewers, that's who)"

I parked and locked my bike. I bought the book. I may have flipped through the pages in search of the gay. I came back to my bike.

My seat was stolen. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! My seat was stolen and replaced with a different seat. Well, okay, that dirty looking man over there has a backpack, maybe he stole it! Should I insist on going through his backpack? That might be seen as, uh, rude, seeing as I don't know if he is actually a thieving bum or just an innocent meandering hippie traveling cross-country. Fine, I'll just make due with my new seat (Farewell, shock-absorbers ♥!) Oh, except it DOESN'T FIT MY BIKE.

In summation: My bike seat was stolen by some half-assed thief with morals (or else a particularly mocking fiend who though it would be funny to give me an unusable new seat). I can't even be robbed properly anymore.

Naturally, I think the whole incident is hilarious :D

I realize I'm being overtly spammy with the art posts these days, but once school starts there will be none of that nonsense :) I like these, though, which is saying something in the face of my overwhelming art!discontent lately.

fiiiiive doodles!Collapse )
mood: anxious anxious

Death is horny.

My life is exceeding boring. Someday soon I shall make an epic post about the various illegal activities and shady backgrounds of my positively surreal co-workers, but for now I'll dump art on your heads and go to bed.

One Deathly Hallows drawing, one cracktastic DH drawing, and several random doodlesCollapse )
mood: apathetic apathetic

Visions of Eternity

Augh. My back has given out again, which is all very well and good except for the fact that I CANNOT MOVE and am trapped in a house that has been besieged by monstrous flies that dive-bomb my head. When they do so, I jump in panic, sending fresh waves of pain down my spine. The largest fly, who I have taken to calling The Lord of the Flies (I'm so clever), is about the size of a small dog, and is perched on my windowsill glaring at me with ancient, evil eyes. Every few minutes it commands its troops to buzz sadistically in my ear ;_; Earlier on I camped out in my living room with my newly acquired original 1953 copy of Fahrenheit 451, but that's over now and I can't decide which post-apocalyptic, cautionary tale of the future to read next (I really have a thing for post-apocalyptic, cautionary tales of the future :D).

In completely unrelated news, I've found my favorite painting ever. All I want in this world is a POSTER, but for some reason no one cares about my Favorite Painting Ever. The Art Institute doesn't even have a postcard! All Posters cares only for melting clocks! Google produces pictures that are completely different colors from the original! I have never before had a Favorite Painting Ever, and now I am punished for finding it? DISTRESSING, UNIVERSE, DISTRESSING.

mood: scared scared

Voted Best Crack

I have Deathly Hallows art! The Best Scene Ever Wot is Very SpoileryCollapse )

Narcissa and Harry, plus a quick SS/LE doodleCollapse )

I had such a fabulous past few days. And by fabulous I mean that thinkofaname came to visit me, surrendering her will to me, the Great Chicago Tour Guide. She fulfilled her role as tourist admirably as she walked through downtown with her head turned upwards and her mouth agape at all the tall buildings, squealed happily at that crazy Watertower Place fountain, and stubbornly refused to leave until she had climbed the Sears Tower. So I valiantly submitted to being herded along with the tourists (THERE WERE PEOPLE IN COWBOY HATS, OH THE SHAME) through an informational video about "the monstrous, cloud-penetrating, monolithic manmade mountain (OF DOOM!)" and through employees asking me where I was from (*deadpan stare* "Here". "Oh...what..part?" :D). But my cynicism was thwarted when the view turned out to be kind of fantastic, and not because we could see any of the city or TIIINY LITTLE ANT-PEOPLE OMG! ♥!, but because it was a v. cloudy day and we ended up above the clouds. We saw no cloud people, but I continue to have hope.

Sunday afternoon thinkofaname, her friend semirose (who was a complete delight, by the way, I'm not used to having the pleasure of meeting someone who loves all of my fandoms :D) and I trecked out to Evanston, saw Ratatouille (it was surprisingly adorable, and my GOD the ANIMATION. SO GORGEOUS *_*), and stumbled on an Urban Outfitters sale. I got these shirts because they win at life >:D

TODAY, I spent far too much money on used books (again) and art supplies (again) and went to a Einsteins meeting to discuss diversion tactics if a customer inquires as to why we've just raised our prices. One such tactic is to smile and cry, "Well yes, we have raised them, but might I offer you a HEAVENLY chocolate chip to go with that?". I am so glad I only have 2 more weeks of this farce. I'm going to quote my co-worker. Please do not faint from exposure to sheer idiocy:

HER: *pointing at the lox" "What kind of animal does salmon come from?"
ME: Uh. Salmon?

HER: So where is this...Phili..Ph..Philidelphia place?
ME: Uh. Pennsylvania?
HER: Oh yeah? Where's that, like, east or west? I don't know my map.
ME: I. It's east.
HELPFUL CO-WORKER: It's next to New York!

mood: okay okay

I'm such a masochist, omg.

Incredibly depressing Deathly Hallows drawings, Part the Second (Weasley Edition!) I can't stop. SPOILERS AHOY.

The WeasleysCollapse )

RonCollapse )

Fred and GeorgeCollapse )

On the subject of tragic literary moments, I just finished reading At Swim, Two Boys. God. I have no words. I think it's past time I pick up a fluffy book about unicorns.
mood: sad sad

I still refuse to fangirl the Malfoys. ON PRINCIPLE ;___;

Okay! Wretchedly depressing Deathly Hallows drawings, Part the First (Slytherin Edition!). Highly spoilery, obviously.

SnapeCollapse )

The Three MalfoysCollapse )
mood: drained drained

It can't be over!

Now that I'm a little more together and my soul is a little less TRAGICALLY NUMB, I can at last transcribe the Deathly Hallows experience., which began when we went out to dinner at Medici (which has people's names and other graffiti etched in on every single surface, because it's basically all wood), and the side of the booth that mellorine and I sat at JUST HAPPENED to have this written between us. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. I think, perhaps, the universe knows things. So, filled with a strong sense of fate (and enough caffeine to move MOUNTAINS), we set off for Borders. I drew dark marks on people's arms to waste time, to the endless amusement of the Border's employee who helped us comb through the books to find a visual example (he was not actually very helpful, alas). At 9:30 we meandered off to start waiting in line in the fertility section (we were third!), while every 5 minutes a man who called himself "The Headmaster" crooned over the loudspeaker in what he must have thought was a mystical, ethereal voice but in fact sounded like a lecherous drug addict.

Time passed. The Great Snape Debate was lame. A crazy lady in a green bathrobe held an audio book up to her ear and asked us quizzically, "They call them audio books, so WHY CAN'T YOU HEAR THEM?". As midnight neared, the loudspeaker was commandeered by a woman who obviously had spent the night sucking the helium out of the festive orange and purple balloons. She would announce the remaining time until Harry Potter and the Deathly HOLLOWS, which destroyed the mood a bit...

WOMAN ON LOUDSPEAKER (at 11:45): Ooooo! 15 minutes left until the release of Harry Potty -- POTTER! POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS!
THE ENTIRE STORE: *chuckles deliriously*

It was all remarkably organized, so we were out of the store (screaming and holding our ears as some jackass shouted spoilers, including something that sounded like "HARRY IS NOT THE FATHER!". I don't know, man) by 12:10 with our books. I got home at 1, read until the sun rose at 5, slept until 11 and continued reading all day.

Deathly Hallows spoilery reactions!Collapse )

So, nearly half of my life was spent waiting for a HP book to come out, and now it's over. I'm in denial.
mood: sad sad

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